Brad and Debbie Ellgen

On Friday about 3 pm I received an e-mail which was brief (two sentences I think) but it alerted me that I said something I should not have said. I immediately tried to call the offended party to explain that I didn’t say what they thought I said. But they were not at home. All afternoon I replayed how I was going to explain what I had said (I realized pretty quickly I probably did say it). I worked on several different angles. One, it was necessary as part of what I am obligated to say in my role as pastor. I thought I might talk about how it wasn’t really all that bad and we all make these mistakes. I kept going back to how I could deny saying anything at all (There was nothing in writing; they can’t prove I said anything I said to myself). I am deeply ashamed that my mind even goes in these kinds of directions. I am a mess! I worried about this all afternoon and found it really hard to concentrate on anything. I was really worried I might louse a relationship that is important to me. When I finally did talk to the offend party that evening all I said was “I am very, very sorry” which was so very true. After we talked for a bit I was told I was forgiven. It felt so good to be forgiven! I hate my sin. I hate the fact I can’t love others well. But how wonderful it is when we can admit we are a mess. It is so wonderful when we receive grace and find forgiveness. Of course this piece of my life is true of all of us. We all sin. We all say things we shouldn’t and keep silent when we should speak. We all are a mess. And I think we all go though moments when we are caught that we want to pretend it isn’t so. We all want to find a reason to explain why it wasn’t really sin. However, the truth is we all sin. God tells us we should always come clean and He will forgive us (1 John 1:8-9). And often, we can come clean and find forgiveness from others. Not always, but often. And that is so much better than pretending or rationalizing.